Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
