I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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