come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize