Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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