My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
