You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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