I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
