my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
