he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
