Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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