ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
