I can text with my tongue
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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