Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He did a backflip because drugs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize