Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
