Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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