shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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