What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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