Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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