Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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