I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
