I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
