I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
