i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
