All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
