I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
