I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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