Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
