the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize