u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
