Sponge bath it is.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
