please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
