I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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