do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
