i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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