I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
