So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize