btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
