3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
