I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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