I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
