She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
