Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
