i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think my nap took me to another dimension
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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