Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
