he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
