did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
