So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
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They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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