If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
