my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
