Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
