we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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