White coat. Heels.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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