I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
