I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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