He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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