You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
