1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
