fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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