I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
