your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Randomize
