i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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