Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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