I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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