haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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