My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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