There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
