i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize