In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
