fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
